matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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