I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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