I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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