I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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