Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
