Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have feelings that need drinking.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
