Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
