I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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