no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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