So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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