wakey wakey hands off snakey
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
