This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
