actually, I'm a sock model
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
