I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
