Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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