I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Fuck appropriateness.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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