every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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