I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
