my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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