Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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