i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
