you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You ruined the universe
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
