I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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