wrigley field is MILF paradise
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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