I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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