i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
