I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize