they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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