I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
