The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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