don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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