Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
