chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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