really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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