Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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