corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You took a bar mat shot.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
