i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
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Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
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Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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