there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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