yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize