I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
