I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think a kid would responsible me up
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
