We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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