her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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