i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
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If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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