do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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