At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
