Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
