She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
