My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
