Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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