508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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