Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
