I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
