Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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