Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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