Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
