i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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