Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
