Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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