I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
