Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
