Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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