Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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