You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
