Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
