so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
